One of the realities of entering the world of parenting, particularly for the first time parent, is that most child-rearing skills are learned on the job. New parents come in as rookies, some never having changed a diaper or given a bottle to a hungry baby. When faced with other more complex job skills, such as establishing feeding and sleeping routines, setting limits or teaching children how to get along with each other, most parents need mentoring and a little advice from someone they trust.
When parents in Canada decide to hire an au pair, the skills and experiences they want her to have can pose a dilemma. on the one hand they may want someone who has ” been there and done it” well many times before. On the other hand, they may secretly not want the Au pair to fo a better job. They don’t want to be upstaged by a competent au pair.
Regardless of how competent an au pair is or the quality of her relationship with a child, there isa place in the heart and mind of every child that only a parent can occupy. When parents hire the most competent, loving au pair possible, they don’t lose this special place of parenthood, they gain help in fulfilling that role.
Worry No. 4
Guilt: I ‘ll fail as a parent if I hand over any of my parenting responsibilities to an Au pair
If you find you often feel responsible to make certain everything is right and have difficulties handing over responsibility to someone else where it’s needed, this characteristic may find its way into your au pair situation.
Most parents need some time with their au pair, no matter how much experience she has, to help her understand who their child is and how their family life works. This training is an expectable part of the hiring process. Parents often learn this experience where their au pair’s skills shine and in what areas she may need support. Handing over responsibility in the areas in which she shines and supporting her in areas in which she needs help is acting responsibly as a parent.
Worry No 5
The Green- Eyed Monster in the closet: Envy and Jealously
Parents often experience sharp pangs of jealously when they learn their au pair experienced an event with their child that they wished they’d had, such as their child’s first step or rolling over for the first time. They may feel envy when the au pair tells an animated story about the fun she and the au pair had together. Some parents simply imagine their au pair and child having a good time together. Other parents see their child run to the au pair for comfort. Why does the au pair get all the ”goodies” while the parent works?
It can be hard or even impossible to be objective in these situations. Reassurances from others can be like empty words falling on a heavy or angry heart. For example; ‘You are the mom with a lifetime of many wonderful moments to experience. Your au pair will be here for a short period of your child’s life. Or, ” of course your child knows who mom is. It’s only a word she is using with your au pair. She will learn the definition later.
As in each of the above examples, it is normal for parents to go through a brief mourning period handing over responsibility to their au pair. Most parents want their child to feel loved and nurtured by their au pair because it’s the best for their child.
